farewell

I look at old photos and wonder when did I lose everything so much that even looking at two or three month old photos seems so strange. Not a month has passed and kept the same vibe as the other. No coherence or consistency. And how far away the first months of the past year felt, until everything I'd built since then, started slowly but steadily collapsing again.

How stupid I must have been to think that I could progress along with someone, who I loved when I was falling apart and when I could not see anything, but still had so many things to reach for. The only difference was that I was stronge enough and able to overcome the difficulties, not by forgetting them, but by achieving the ability to know them and move freely inside of them. Never have I forgotten all the things I said and believed about life, but instead of pathetically mourning I wanted to make the most of them somehow. 

I got over all the difficulties I faced with you with the excuse that I could die if things got worse, because I didn't have anything else. Now it's not like that. I have more things now. I love more things now. 

I'm sorry.